Now hear this. . .

A special speech to the nation.

Here's my favorite part:

"In addition, every American will get his or her own veteran. Veterans benefits are so pathetic anyway we might as well just eliminate them. Please remember the great sacrifice these men and women made for their country. Do you have a spare room in your home? A veteran would like to live there."

And I would just like to say: funny, funny, and funny.